Writer: Dan Parent*
Pencils: Dan Parent*
Inks: Rudy Lapick*
Colors: Barry Grossman*
Letters: Bill Yoshida*
Original Publication: Betty and Veronica Spectacular, No. 14
Cover Date: April, 1995
Length: 11 pages
*I don’t have the original issue and am reviewing this story from the PEP Digital #45: The Best of Cheryl Blossom e-book. The credits were removed from the story. The credits come from Grand Comics Database.
In Geometry class, the teacher, Ms. Thorpe, hands back the students’ tests. Veronica is worried but is then relieved to have gotten a B+. Betty got an A-. Archie has passed out and fallen to the floor. Ronnie guesses he failed.
After class, Ms. Thorpe detains Archie for a special meeting. Ronnie and Betty are concerned and wait outside the classroom for Archie. He’s in danger of failing Geometry. He needs to be tutored by “the best”. Betty assumes he means her, but he goes to call Cheryl, since she’s a “whiz” in Geometry. This stuns Ronnie and Betty. Apparently, they had “just” gotten her out of Archie’s life. I’m not sure if this is referring to “Love & War” or “Coming Distractions” (the latter of which might not have even been out yet), but the latter story seems to indicate Cheryl hasn’t given Archie a chance since his fuck-up in the former.
The next day, Betty and Ronnie go to the library to interrupt Archie’s tutoring session with Cheryl. Ronnie insults Cheryl. Cheryl greets them (last names only) and tells Ronnie to chill the fuck out; she’s trying to save Archie. Ronnie claims they could tutor him just fine. Cheryl laughs at the thought of Ronnie tutoring. Ronnie is forced to admit Betty could. Betty looks on like “I don’t wanna be here.” Cheryl cites her A+ average in Geometry (tops at Pembrooke Academy). Ronnie tells Archie that he’s gonna miss out on being a judge in the Riverdale Teen Fashion Show. All of this is news to him, and I’m guessing Ronnie’s bullshitting, because there’s no way that a boyfriend of two of the contestants being a judge would be considered fair. Betty goes along with it.
Cheryl doesn’t give a fuck and flirts with Archie. Ronnie claims the grand prize is a trip to Paris. Cheryl suddenly gives a fuck, because she’s the self-proclaimed “Fashion Queen of Riverdale”. She ditches Archie and says she’ll send her cousin Sophie (a “real brain”) to tutor him.
On some other day, at Lodge Manor, the designer that Ronnie has hired has finished their (one) outfit, which Betty loves. Midge comes in and informs them that Cheryl has entered the fashion show and hired her own designer. It turns out that this was all Ronnie’s plan. Midge was a spy. She saw Cheryl’s cousin Sophie tutoring Archie at the library, and Sophie (who has a crush on Archie) is not conventionally attractive. Ronnie is concerned, based on the designer that Cheryl hired, that Cheryl could win this show. Um, so what? The point was to get Cheryl away from Archie. Mission accomplished. Anyway, Betty suggests letting Cheryl win, so she’ll go off to Paris. She and Ronnie do a dance of joy at the thought of Cheryl being away from Archie. Midge thinks they’re nuts. Ronnie sends her designer away and will design the outfit herself. Betty is excited that they’re “sure to lose now”.
At the show, Ronnie’s outfit bombs, and Cheryl wins. No surprises here.
Meanwhile, at the library, Sophie practically forces herself on Archie, and he cries out for help.
On another day, Ronnie and Betty walk along a sidewalk (there are no leaves on a tree). Ronnie wonders if Archie found anyone else to tutor him since Cheryl left. Betty will gladly tutor him. Ronnie’s okay with that but reminds Betty that they’ve agreed to share Archie 50/50. Betty decides they’ll “spring [themselves] on him”. Ronnie says they’ve “got to let him in on the new sharing schedule”. What kind of people behave like this?
Anyway, Mary informs the girls that Archie went with Cheryl to the fashion expo in Paris. Betty and Ronnie are shocked and horrified. Betty demands to know how Mary could let him go. Mary explains Archie finished his tutoring, and the Blossom family invited Archie to go as their guest. Pissed that Cheryl would “pull a stunt like this” (there’s no indication that she pulled any stunt), Ronnie decides she and Betty will take one of Hiram’s private jets to Paris, because that’s a perfectly sensible thing to do. Betty’s concerned about being home for supper. Um, no, that ain’t happening. It’s about an eight-hour one-way trip.
So, just to be clear, these bitches are gonna fly to Europe on a whim in the hope of getting “their” boyfriend away from a rival, even though said boyfriend willingly went with said rival.
Anyway, probably at least eight hours later, they arrive at the fashion expo. Betty asks at the information booth if Cheryl has picked up her name badge yet. The attendant says no. I’m not sure what kind of privacy laws exist in France, but…wait. The fashion expo was part of the grand prize? It would have been nice if that had been made clear earlier. It’d give Cheryl extra motivation for winning the contest than simply maintaining her self-proclaimed title of “Fashion Queen of Riverdale”. Not that Cheryl needs to win the contest to go to Paris. Honestly, I’m surprised that she didn’t already have this trip planned months in advance. It seems like the kind of thing that she’s be interested in.
Wait. Why aren’t Cheryl and Archie in school? Are they taking time off for the trip, or is the expo being held on a weekend?
Anyway, Betty guesses Cheryl and Archie are someplace private. However, Ronnie notes Cheryl (like herself) likes to be seen in public places. Betty guesses they’re at the Eiffel Tower. They run off, Ronnie vowing they’ll “cover the whole city for those two redhead delinquents”.
Wait. Why is it daytime? Veronica and Betty left Riverdale sometime during the day. After an eight-hour flight, and accounting for a six-hour time difference, it should be evening (at least).
After a false sighting and yelling at a random couple (which they don’t apologize for), Ronnie and Betty run right past Cheryl and Archie, who are having a picnic on the grass. Archie is surprised and believes it’s them. Cheryl doubts it out loud but silently agrees.
Cheryl wants her and Archie to get away from them. Distracted, Ronnie and Betty fall into the Seine. Archie spots them. Ronnie demands Archie help them out of the river and then somehow manages to reach out, grab his wrist, and pull him in. Also, because Archie and Cheryl are holding hands, she gets pulled in, too. Even Cheryl tells the fucking idiot to let go of her hand. Betty, full of joy, congratulates Ronnie on her “good work”.
The story ends with the four of them, soaking wet, walking along the Seine and sharing a towel…over their heads. Oh, and Archie’s enjoying it. Ronnie better fucking spring for dinner for the four of them at a fancy restaurant.
This story was okay, but Betty and Ronnie were bitches and overreacted where Cheryl was concerned – as usual. The only bad thing that Cheryl did was ditch Archie to enter a fashion show, but she still managed to get him a good tutor. Sometimes, it seems Betty and Veronica are their own worst enemies and have no one to blame but themselves.
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